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I'm sure that you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
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Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided... I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been.