"When hooking up with a guy I usually feel nervous or anxious thinking about if I'm doing it right.
"It's better for the victim and the perpetrator." A You Tube video that acts out, in a not-safe-for-work manner, how affirmative consent should work during a hook-up has nearly 200,000 views.
In it, the man and woman both ask before each touch.
Consent in the real world Cecilia Colesanti is a student at SUNY Oswego, where "Yes Means Yes" became the rule last year.
"I think the policy has good intentions, but to expect college students, especially freshman, to step back for a minute and have a conversation about intercourse before anything goes down is kind of silly," Colesanti said.
-- What if you had to ask if it was okay to put your hand on the other person's butt during foreplay?
What if there was a law that said you had to do this? A bill signed into law July 7 requires both parties to obtain consent for sex and each nibble and caress that sometimes paves the way. At its heart is a simple concept: instead of "No Means No," it's "Yes Means Yes." It switches the dynamic of consent in what could be an empowering way.
The American Law Institute, which helps write the nation's criminal codes, is in the process of re-writing the sexual assault penal code to incorporate "Yes Means Yes." As Lady Gaga penned an essay with Cuomo in Rolling Stone to gain support for New York's college law, two dozen legal scholars, including retired federal Judge Nancy Gertner, wrote a memo warning against the dangers of such laws. The national push for restrictive rules and laws comes at a time when attitudes and practices around sex are becoming riskier, Lake said.
In Syracuse, Mayor Stephanie Miner, a lawyer, refused to sign on as a supporter while Syracuse University Chancellor Kent Syverud penned an op-ed in support of it. No matter what precautions you take, the hook-up now poses serious legal risks: "You look at the legal system we're building and it's incredible risky to hook up with someone you're not married to," said Peter Lake, director of the Center for Excellence in Higher Education Law and Policy at Stetson University in Florida. And the New York and California laws don't address binge drinking on college campuses, except to say that a person cannot give consent if they are under the influence.
Lake and some other legal scholars have said the laws threaten to make it much easier to falsely accuse someone of rape and sexual assault.