I felt so confused about whether or not I wanted to stay in a relationship with my boyfriend. I ended up talking to the person who drove me home about how guilty and uncertain I felt. When I got back, I spoke to my boyfriend over Skype. He also asked more questions about what happened, such as who started it, why I kept doing it, and who else I spoke to about it and what they said.He very obviously looked like he wanted to be really pissed at me, so I said that he could.He had wine with him, and he offered more for me to drink. I won't go into detail, but we ended up having oral sex and cuddling (which is what I feel the worst about.) As I sort-of sobered up, I kept doing things because I felt like I was justified by minor relationship issues I had at the time with my boyfriend.
Before I cheated, we were those people in public giving each other doe eyes and making everyone uncomfortable with our great relationship.
Before I cheated, I always thought cheating was what total sluts do, and I thought I wasn't a total slut.
He kissed me, and in a somewhat surprised and drunken state, I kissed him back.
I felt all giddy like some little kid who was just given a candy bar, and, when he kissed me again, I kissed him back. " I felt really horny at this point, but I told him, "I have a boyfriend, I really shouldn't be doing this." So, he said, "Then, I guess we shouldn't do anything else, huh? I said once again that we shouldn't, but I didn't move away from him or anything.
I thought he was kind of cute, but I didn't plan to do anything.
A couch cleared off, and I was tired of sitting on the uncomfortable floor, so I sat there. I felt kind of sleepy from being so wasted, so I rested my head on his shoulder.
And, the other guy said that he'd be willing to get one. " My boyfriend said yes, and then we were silent again. " He said, "I don't know; I think it's really weird.
I feel sick to my stomach." I said, "Um, I think that would be fairly normal." We set a time to talk to each other later, and we said goodbye to each other. Part of me had all those gooey feelings someone would have towards a crush towards John, and another part of me felt like utter and complete **** for doing that to my boyfriend. He told me a long list of the emotions he felt over the course of the day, which was basically that he felt like complete ****, even more so than I expected.
But, once again, he said that he wouldn't say mean things to me.
I felt like such ****, I felt like a deserved to die and burn in Hell for what happened.
I thought it was more of a friendly gesture than anything.