It is a Sisyphean push to gain new, cutting-edge knowledge about oppressed groups that is never completed, all toward the noble goal of shoving your liberal cred in the face of other feminists to assert your superior un-oppressiveness.
But have no fear, my fellow feminists, for have claimed the title as best feminist ever for once and for all.
Remind her that you won’t be meeting any nice boys because you are a lesbian.
There sure are a lot of biologists on your online dating site.
Wooo OOOOoooohoo0ooo OOOoooooooowwww WWWW THEREMIN NOISES Don’t worry about the snow-white colour your hair must have turned to from shock just now. Almost every waking moment of every day I have to deal with my beloved partner’s trans-ness trans-ing everything she trans-illy comes into trans-contact with.
Just think of all the colours you can easily dye it for protest rallies! Especially the new china, which I was very fond of!
Get used to a mix of pop hits, Shakira, and Bikini Kill.
Hone your ability to turn a conversation into a fun tête-à-tête. Assume that at any moment, they might sour, and you will need to disengage. When someone asks how you are doing, never mention the harassment, mis-gendering, or stress you’re going through.
Have you retrieved your monocle from your champagne glass of male tears? We moved in together after only two months of dating. Such a feat as mine is incomprehensible to you lowly mortals, but I truly have accomplished this super-duperous mountain of a task. She did not choose to be trans, and therefore her suffering is thrust upon by no choice of her own.
I hope for your sake that it did, because it doesn’t stop there! AND WE HAVE ONLY FOUGHT LIKE FOUR TIMES BUT IT DOESN’T REALLY COUNT BECAUSE I WAS JUST IRRATIONALLY LASHING OUT AT HER BECAUSE OF OTHER STRESSORS SO I CHOOSE NOT TO COUNT IT! Let’s get back to what is actually important: me and my superiority over you and your insignificant bit part in the fight against oppression. Now some of you plebeians might wonder; since my trans girlfriend is the one who is a member of an oppressed minority, is the one who truly deserves the title of Best Feminist. I, on the other hand, chose this mountainous burden voluntarily, and I struggle with it every day without complaint.
Sometimes when I hold her hand in public, people smile at us equally, as if we are some normal lesbian couple.
I am stripped of my right to get lavish praise for being the best ally this world has ever seen. Feel free to send me expensive tributes to my greatness. As your new and eternal high empress of feminism I will lead you all, my legion of mindless drones, into battle.
I will need you at full strength for when the war begins.